you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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