if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
