My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
