She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Randomize
