i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
