she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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