my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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