I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
