She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He? As in you personified your dick?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
