My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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