his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
