what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
