I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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