So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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