I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
