its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You work out of a Hotel?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
