Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
