Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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