Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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