I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
