I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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