and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
