Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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