Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
