so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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