He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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