I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
