I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
