I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Barsexuality is the new black.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
