porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
