Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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