dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
