Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
