my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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