He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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