it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
