I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
