We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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