Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
