after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
