I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
