your parents love me but you hate me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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