Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
