party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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