Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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