Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
