How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It was confusing and full of hummus
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
