the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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