do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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