How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
